Sharing My Heart....

Today, I'm feeling compelled to share a bit of my heart.  If you came looking for design inspiration or furniture ideas this isn't the post you're looking for.  BUT if you want to take a few minutes to read what's on my mind and my heart, then please feel free to stick around.  I promise not to be too boring!  

This past weekend the hubby, Hunter and I had the pleasure of attending my cousin Braedan's wedding in Washington.  It was a beautiful ceremony and the bride and groom were so in love.  Their love for one another was precious.   The whole wedding from start to finish was just perfect.

I'm going to back up a few months.....to when I got the invitation to the wedding.  I was so happy for Braedan and Brooke to be getting married, but I have to be honest, I was dreading going to visit family.  Now that might sound harsh to you, but to me it's normal.  Normal in the fact I've lived far away from my family for the past 17 years of my life.  Not like just an hour away, but many hours to many long hours on a plane kind of far away.  

Over time, I've gotten used to being autonomous.  You learn to live without your family or their support after awhile because that's what you have to do to survive and keep going.  It's not that I don't love my family, but sometimes it's easier to compartmentalize and shove the feelings away...hoping they won't pop out when you least expect it.  It's not easy being away and on your 'own' all the time.  Especially when so many people around you are surrounded by their families and yet they're complaining about them being too close.

I'll also be honest here and point out that my family just hasn't been the same since my Mother passed away from cancer 10 years ago.  My Father has since remarried and everyone has scattered a bit.  I haven't had the best relationship with my Father, but recently it has been strained to say the least.  So, the thought of seeing him at a family wedding wasn't exactly high on my list of things to do.  However, I felt in my heart that I needed to be there and now I'm so glad I was.

A funny thing happened while I was there, I felt so at peace.  No, my relationship with my Dad isn't fixed, nor will it probably ever be, but what I realized was it doesn't matter.  I have two wonderful Brother's who I really miss.  My Brother Kevin, has a wife and two adorable little girls who I miss dearly.  Then there's my Aunt and Uncle who I have loved and admired all my life.  My Aunt has always been there for me and has ALWAYS made me feel special when no one else did.  She's my biggest cheerleader and I love her more than words.  And of course all my cousin's who are growing up like crazy and getting married and having babies!

Now that I'm home and looking at the pictures I took and remembering the fun we had as a family, I'm sad.  Sad at the thought of not being home again for another 4 years to visit, sad that we live so far away, but also happy for the reminder of how much I love and care for my family.  It's easy to push those feelings away to protect your heart, but I'm going to do my best to keep those feelings in a place where they're easy to reach. 

The hardest part of the entire trip was leaving and saying goodbye.  Hunter is so sensitive and really dislikes saying goodbye.  When we left Sunday evening, after spending time with my Brothers and their family, Hunter was so quiet and sad in the car on the ride back to the hotel.  When I asked him what was up he replied "I wish we lived close to our family....I really miss them."  Although we can't control where we live, we go where the hubby's job takes us, we're hoping we can visit more often.  Who knows maybe some day we'll live close again?  And of course we hope they will come to visit us!  

Here are some pics from our visit to my Brother's beautiful home in Brown's Point, Washington.  Right on the water....it's breathtaking.

Hunter loved beach combing, climbing on all the logs that had washed up on shore and throwing rocks into the ocean.


This is my absolutely adorable 5 year old Niece Zoe, who I wish I could have taken home with me!  Hunter wished we could bring her home too!


The last time we saw Zoe, she was still a baby.




Princess Zoe





 This was her 'fishing pole' she found on the beach.


They were both 'fishing'


It doesn't get much prettier than this....


The first time I can think of in ages that we've had a picture of all three of us!  Kevin is on the far left, then Bryan is on the right.


I know this isn't my 'normal' type of post, but I really wanted to share with you some of my thoughts. Now you know me a little bit better, whether you wanted to or not!  :-)

Thank you for taking the time to read this!


8 comments:

  1. Melody, I got such a lump in my throat reading this post. Thank you so much for explaining how you feel. I am from a huge family and a few are scattered. I now understand better where THEY are coming from when they feel overwhelmed by visiting us who are close together. I have often been jealous of my family that is away because they don't have to worry about all the day to day stuff of the family but I know its two sided and they also miss out on special small events. Thank you so much for sharing and giving your side of the story. I am so happy you got to see your brothers. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Melody! I lost my M and D in my very early twenties, and I am much older now, so that "family" thing was lost by the time I had been married 6 weeks. I now just have a much older sister (21 years older) and one second cousin. I made a different kind of life with my OH, but I am so glad you got to see your brothers, and that Hunter got to see his cousins. I like cousins..... they are like siblings when you meet up, and he obviously likes that. I do hope you will find the time and cash to visit them all sooner than 4 years!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wishing you Peace and Happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my, Sweet Pea, you made me cry. I am thrilled to know that you realize how special you are to me. From the day I first held you in my arms I have felt such a special bond with you, no words can describe it.
    "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my Sunshine away."
    I can't wait to see you again. Love and Hugs, Vicky

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm do glad you went and that you had a good time. Hunter made some great memories I'm sure!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I too went home recently for a wedding on my husbands side. Home is nearly 13hours away with minimum stopovers (two planes, and 3 1/2 hr drive). When I was growing up we were all fairly close and I saw both sides of the family cousins at least twice a year. Now my cousins are grown with children of their own and honestly I would not know their children on the street and I might not even pick the parents on the street either. It hurt when we left to go find work, and we have done ok but yes I too shielded my heart while mourning those early memories made that my children won't have with their cousins so far away. I was also glad that we packed up the family and made the journey to the wedding - my husbands brother and his wife are a magical match also.. Thank you for your story xx

    ReplyDelete